


Tell Me Again

by FatyGSquare



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Anal Sex, Bottom Javier Fernández, Confessions, Developing Relationship, Explicit Sexual Content, LobbySecretSanta, M/M, Rimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-20
Updated: 2020-12-20
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:47:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28192692
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FatyGSquare/pseuds/FatyGSquare
Summary: It was a long time coming, literally years in the making.
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Comments: 8
Kudos: 44





	Tell Me Again

**Author's Note:**

  * For [estriel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/gifts).



> I hope you have a wonderful holiday and enjoy this.

Javier rubs his hands on his jeans again, trying to get rid of the perspiration on them. This is the third time he has had to do this in the past five minutes and he scoffs, chuckling at the end because this is ridiculous.

Why is he so nervous? It’s not like he is meeting him for the first time, it’s not like he’ll be talking to him for the first time and it certainly isn’t the first time he will surprise him.

_ ‘But it is the first time you can tell him those two words in person’ _ , his mind provides.

Right. That is what has him practically shaking, hands sweating and heart hammering against his ribcage. But this has been a long time coming, it has been literally years in the making and suddenly the culmination of this journey seems too close and too far away at the same time.

***

_ It had been a surprise to see Yuzuru’s name on the screen of his phone when it rang on the 14th of March 2020. The messages were not uncommon - not something they did on a daily basis, but still they messaged each other for big occasions: New Year, birthdays, an important competition. But calls? That was not something they did, Javier thought as the phone rang louder, and it took him a few more seconds to snap out of his shock and answer. _

_ “Javi?” a soft, tentative whisper, like he was afraid he had dialed the wrong number, or that someone else would answer the phone. _

_ “Yuzu?” he asked, voice trembling because he still could not believe he was calling. There was a sigh of relief on the other side of the line and Javi chuckled. “Hey, you.” _

_ And that was how all of this began. With a phone call from Yuzuru, who had heard on the news that Spain was on lockdown and had called him to make sure he was okay, safe, healthy. A phone call, then another and another, and suddenly they were talking daily, sharing their thoughts and opinions on everything, from figure skating to politics to the little herbs garden Javi had started. _

_ Phone calls turned to video calls twice a day, religiously on time because that is just Yuzuru, isn’t it? Javi had laughed when he was scolded for being late for their scheduled morning call - well, morning for Javi. Their video calls weren’t always the same, sometimes they talked, other times Yuzuru would watch Javi cooking or Javi would watch Yuzuru furiously typing on his laptop, hair pushed back with a thin band and glasses in place. Those were Javi’s favorites, when he would just watch Yuzuru so focused on his work, something he was used to, something familiar and safe in this unexplored territory they were venturing into. _

_ It was on Javi’s birthday, with Yuzu singing ‘Happy Birthday’ to him off-key while holding a single cupcake, Javi with his own sad, homemade cake as he laughed at Yuzu’s voice breaking when he tried a high note. Yuzuru had insisted he blew the candle, and had done the same to the one on top of the cupcake. _

_ “Happy birthday, Javi.” He had said, voice cheery but soft and he looked so gentle all out of a sudden. “I wish I could hug you.” _

_ Javi smiled, swallowing the lump in his throat because he too wanted to hold him, had wanted to hold him for so long. _

_ He had known, back in Pyeongchang, he had known Yuzuru was more special to him than he believed or showed. And he had almost said it out loud, drunk on euphoria and adrenaline after achieving the last milestone, after knowing that in mere minutes, an Olympic medal would hang from his neck. But he didn’t. Because it wasn’t fair, he told himself, to Yuzuru or himself. It wasn’t fair to act on feelings that had grown over there time together in Toronto, not when he was about to leave, not when he didn’t know what life had in store for him or how he would go forward after retiring. _

_ But now… Now it was different. Safer, easier. Because Yuzuru was not next to him, he wasn’t there to hold on to him or reject him with a smile, politely telling Javi he was his friend. It was safer because he was just an image on a screen, a voice through the speaker that Javier could get rid of with a click of a button. _

_ And before he knew it, he was blurting out his feelings, words spilling from his mouth like he would choke if they didn’t, mixing English and Spanish here and there. He ranted for a good minute, panting softly when he was done because he was feeling too much. His eyes searched Yuzuru’s face, trying to decipher what the younger was thinking, trying to make sense of the smile on his face. His heart sank when he saw it, that polite smile that he used for the press, the fans. He closed his eyes and waited for the inevitable. _

_ “Tell me again when I can hug you.” he said and Javi’s eyes shot open, wild and frantic as he nodded. _

_ It had been long and, at times, painful to explore this new budding relationship, to share the highs and lows. As summer came and passed, their calls got more frequent, and their conversation more daring when the topic was their feelings. Yuzuru still hadn’t told Javi if he too felt the same, always going back to that answer he gave him in April. Javi had managed to send flowers to Yuzuru for his graduation and Yuzuru had sent him a huge bouquet for the opening of his academy. _

_ Social media had proved to be a good outlet for him, sharing his wishes to see Yuzuru again more than once, and congratulating him publicly when he won Nationals. He had talked to him that night, with Yuzuru shaking and crying, clutching the medal in his hand in a way Javi knew was painful. He had whispered his congratulations, told him how proud he was of everything he had to overcome to get there, that he couldn’t wait to see him, touch him, hug him again. He had voiced his feelings again and again Yuzuru’s answer was “Tell me when I can hug you.” _

_ The New Year brought new hope, a possible end in sight for the damned pandemic and, with it, the prospect of getting closer and closer to seeing him again. Javier had been delighted to celebrate his 30th birthday with friends and family, to actually be able to be with people and touch them, hug them. But he had missed one particular person, and had wanted nothing more than to have him there to celebrate such a big number. They talked when he got home, Javi a bit tipsy and Yuzuru laughing at him. He had a cupcake this year too, topped with an interrogation candle that made Javi laugh. _

_ “Javi is old now.” he said, laughing ridiculously at the end. Javi chided him but laughed, because he was happy. _

_ As simple as that, he was happy talking to Yuzuru, sharing those little moments. _

_ Which, as the new season - the Olympic season - came closer and closer, became less frequent. They still talked every now and then, and texting daily was part of their routine now, but Yuzuru went into hyper focus mode and Javi understood. He knew the feeling, the daunting prospect of this being  _ it _. The last chance to make it count. Yuzuru hadn’t said it quite like that, but Javi saw it plain and simple. _

_ And he wanted to be a part of it, wanted to be next to Yuzuru just like the Japanese had been by his side. _

***

And that is how he came to be here, bouncing lightly because he cannot stay still, lanyard with his ID swishing with his movement. The crowd in the arena is vibrating with excitement, shaking with anticipation when the last group of skaters takes the ice and there he is. His jaw drops when he sees him, the top of his costume covered with his white ANA jacket that isn’t zipped all the way up, his neck exposed and adorned with his necklaces. His face looks like the definition of focused, jaw set and eyes dark and intense. And his hair tied back in a messy ponytail. He would be lying if he said he hadn’t imagined Yuzuru with long hair, but he never thought he would see it.

He looks ethereal, strong, commanding on the ice and it is good to see somethings haven’t changed.

Javier watches mesmerized, eyes glued to this wild creature on the ice as he goes through the most intricate step sequence he has ever seen and culminates by launching into that terrifying quad Axel he had finally mastered. It is so hard to look away, so hard to believe that, once upon a time, he shared the ice with him. That they were together, supported each other, beat each other in competition.

It is clear from the moment he steps off the ice who the winner is, but Javi still has to bite his lip to keep the little squeal of happiness in. Because Yuzuru is Japanese national champion again, he looks stronger than he has in a long time and Javi is both looking forward to seeing him at the Olympics and dreading it.

But that will have to wait. He shakes his head and quickly makes his way out of the arena, onto a taxi and back to his hotel. It would be amazing to surprise Yuzuru at the arena, but the press might not be as kind to him as they were in the past, now that he isn’t competing anymore. Instead, he has to trust Yuzuru will check his phone when he is done with the press, will see the address of his hotel and will come.

And suddenly, he is scared, insecure. Because he has poured his heart to Yuzuru time and time again in the past year and a half, but Yuzuru has never, not once, voiced his own feelings. A part of himself tells him that is just how Yuzuru is, reserved and private. A mystery, like he had once said in an interview. The other part, the dark part, tells him he doesn’t reciprocate his feelings, that he is just being polite.

And Javi, who despite popular belief has always been a bit pessimistic, is ready to pack the few things he brought and run all the way to the airport, catch the first flight back to Spain and forget all of this.

He bites his nails, pacing around his room, stealing glances at his phone on the nightstand. It pings, screen alight and a new notification on it, and Javi smacks his little toe on the bed as he runs to it. His heart is beating fast and hard, and it drops to the pit of his stomach when he sees it is just a message from Laura.

He checks the time before he sets it down on the nightstand again, and bites his lip when he sees it is close to midnight. Tears gather in his eyes, spilling down his face and he is sobbing before he can stop himself.

He had been so sure, so certain Yuzuru felt the same. That he would come and they would hug, and Javi would finally hear those words back.

He had it all planned. He would kiss him when he said those words and then kiss him again, and again and again until their lips were red and raw. He would then want to feel him, soft skin and hard muscles under the palms of his hands as he caressed every millimeter of his body, long hair fanned on the pillow and framing his face beautifully. He would get lost in those dark eyes, in their determination and lust, and would kiss him again just because he wouldn’t be able to stand the intensity. And they would become one, frantically rocking their hips as desire took over, chasing their pleasure and sharing it. He would hold Yuzuru close afterwards, wrapping his arms around him and pressing close, so close his body warmth would stay with Javi until he had to go back.

He lies on the bed, tears still falling and the occasional sob spilling from his lips, and falls into an uneasy sleep on a damp pillow.

***

His mind is fuzzy but alert, responding to a sound that rings seemingly far away. He tosses in bed, groaning when the insistent sound grows louder and louder until it stops. Javi sighs, burying his face in the pillow and huffing when the sound starts again. His phone, he realizes. His phone that is ringing, someone is calling him at what is most certainly an ungodly hour.

He doesn’t want to answer, doesn’t want to acknowledge the outside world exists. He wants - needs- the safety of his hotel room, where nothing and no one can disturb him.

Except for whoever is calling him won’t give up.

He screams into the pillow, punching the mattress beneath him and finally reaching blindingly for the damned device. He feels it vibrate in his hand as he brings it up to his face-

He drops the phone like it had burned his hand, flinching away from it as it rings yet again. Those four letters flashing on top of the screen, the red and green circles on the bottom. He stares at it, lost in his own betraying thoughts.

Why is Yuzuru calling?

Did he see his message?

Is he calling to apologize, to tell Javi all his pessimistic thoughts are true?

To tell him they are friends, maybe even good friends, but nothing more?

The phone stops ringing, and Javi lets out a breath he didn't know he was holding. He watches, expectant and terrified, waiting for it to start ringing once more.

But it doesn't, and he bites his lip to keep the sob in. That is enough crying, he tells himself. He can mourn the loss of hope when he is home, in a safe environment where he can nurse his bruised ego and shattered heart.

He sets his phone on the nightstand again, lying back down and bringing the covers up to his face, effectively shutting out the world outside. He breathes slowly, practiced breathing techniques he learnt long ago.

One, two, three, four as he inhales.

Five, six, seven while he holds his breath.

Eight, nine, ten as he breathes out through his mouth.

And repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

One, two, three rapid and timid knocks on his door.

One, two, three ringings of the doorbell.

He shoves the covers off his body and runs to the door, only to stop dead on his tracks, his hand halfway to the handle, because there is only one person who knows which room he is staying in.

_'Not in person, please'_ , he thinks. _'Not like this'_.

He swallows thickly, saliva quickly pooling in his mouth again, like every time he is nervous. If this were a movie, he would laugh at the slow motion sequence as his trembling hand reaches for the handle and, ever so slowly, he opens the door.

There he is. Face hidden behind a mask and the rest obscured by the hood of his coat, hands in his pockets. He can't see the curving of his lips but he can tell he is smiling, his eyes shaped like crescents a clear telltale.

"Hi, Javi." he says, voice barely a whisper.

Javi stands there, staring at him with his heart beating hard in his chest, his mind reeling because he had truly given up any hope he would show up. And maybe that would have been for the best, maybe it would have been the only way to salvage whatever friendship they could have.

"Can I come in?" he asks, tilting his head a little and Javi follows the loose strand of jet black hair that falls on his face.

He nods and steps aside, working on autopilot. It would be rude to leave him outside, he tells himself, as he carefully closes the door and watches Yuzuru take off his coat and mask before turning to face him.

"Sorry, did I wake you?" he asks again, this time in a normal tone of voice, like nothing can bother or disturb him in this room. "Press conference ran late and then I went to shower."

Javi nods like a fool. It is all he can do. His brain to mouth connection doesn't seem to be functioning properly and whatever words he thinks of saying, get stuck in his throat.

"Javi?" Yuzuru asks, taking a step closer to him and waving a hand in front of his face.

"I love your hair." is the first thing to come out of Javi's mouth and he wants to smack himself because that is most certainly not what he intended to say.

Yuzuru chuckles, taking the loose strand of hair on his face and tucking it behind his ear. And Javi watches, fascinated and eager. He wants to be the one to tuck Yuzu's hair behind his ears and the one to let his hair fall loose to his shoulders.

"Congratulations." he manages to say and Yuzuru beams. "You were amazing, Yuzu."

He smiles so brightly and Javi's heart stutters. They stay there in an awkward silence that makes him want to do anything, tell a silly joke Yuzu won't understand or sing or rant about football. Anything but this silence.

But the next second, Yuzuru's expression changes and those dark, inquisitive eyes are studying his face, his soul. He doesn't know what he is looking for or what he sees, but the scrutiny still frightens him.

His expression shifts once more, turning to tender eyes and the softest smile Javi has ever seen on him.

"Javi?" Yuzuru asks and Javi hums, not really sure what to say.

Then Yuzuru takes a step, then another, and another until his feet meet with Javi's and he hugs him. Javi's arms automatically loop around him, like they had so many times in the past, one around his waist and the other gently cradling his head. His fingers thread through his long hair that is still damp. Right, he mentioned a shower before, didn't he?

"Tell me again when I can hug you." Yuzuru whispers.

It jolts Javi, shakes him to his very core. For a few, long seconds he doesn't know what to do, or rather, cannot seem to speak.

"Te quiero." he blurts and, once the words are out of his mouth, they won't stop.

He says it again, and again and again and cannot seem to stop, doesn't want to stop. Maybe, if he says it enough times, he will hear those words back. Maybe if he tells Yuzuru all he feels for him, with him, those feelings will be reciprocated.

"Daisuki." Yuzuru whispers, right in his ear before kissing his neck softly, the touch featherlike.

Javi's heart sings and his body shakes. He feels like his knees will give on him, or maybe they have and it's Yuzu holding him up. Who cares? He lets go of him and cups his face, thumbs caressing his cheeks that have turned the softest shade of pink.

He doesn't know if he leans in, or if Yuzuru does or if they meet halfway. All he knows is that Yuzuru's lips are warm on his, moist and they taste like lip balm. And they move in tandem with his, slow at first until Yuzuru puts a hand on his nape, tilts his head to the side and deepens the kiss. Javi lets him take control, do what he wants with his mouth because he wants him to. And also because a part of him still believes this is a dream - or a nightmare.

But it isn't, he realizes when Yuzuru's hand sneaks under his shirt and rests on his stomach and the simple contact has him shivering and gasping. He breaks the kiss, brings his hands to cup Yuzuru's face once more and looks him straight in the eye.

It's a blur. All of it. He doesn't know how they undressed, how they ended up in bed or how Yuzuru is on top of him. But he isn't complaining, not when Yuzuru touches him like he wants to break him and put him back together again, like he intends to discover every part of Javier's body with hands, with his lips, with his tongue.

It is intriguing, mesmerizing and so erotic, the way his body reacts to Yuzuru's touch, the way he leans to one side or the other in search of more. He had never known he was this sensitive, or perhaps he never was and it is just because the person touching him is Yuzuru. He moans, low on his throat when Yuzu's nails rake down his torso, leaving faint red marks in their wake. Then his hands are on his hips, Yuzuru settling on his thighs. And Javi just stares.

It is so powerful, this vision before him. Yuzuru's chest rises and falls with his breathing, his abdominal muscles contract with his movements and Javi wants to trace the faint lines there with his tongue, all the way to the tiny Olympic rings on his hipbone. But his eyes fall to his legs, those powerful legs that will certainly be his undoing, strong and spread just for him to see. Then Javi's eyes zero in on his hand as it comes to hold his cock, hard and red and dripping. His mouth, which was drier than a desert is suddenly moist again, salivating as he watches Yuzuru pleasure himself, bring himself so close and he stops. He looks at Javi for a second before he changes positions and helps Javi get on his hands and knees.

"Can I-"

"Please." Javi says, voice trembling because he wants so much. He wants it all. He wants all Yuzuru has to give.

Yuzuru chuckles, running his hands up and down his back before gently spreading his cheeks. Javi shivers. He's no stranger to sex with men but this is different. He feels electrified and vulnerable, impatient to see what Yuzuru wants from him, what he wants with him. A warm puff of air on his hole tells him all he needs to know and he moans, long and low when the tip of Yuzuru's wicked tongue circles his rim carefully, testing Javi's response. He has never had anyone do this to him and it feels somewhat more intimate than any other sexual encounter he has had before.

Yuzuru's tongue circles his rim again, this time with more pressure and Javi fists the sheets. It feels good, so good and he is moaning in earnest when Yuzuru flattens his tongue and licks a long stripe, from his testicles to his rim over and over before he stops. Javi whines when Yuzuru pulls away, even if only for a second, and a questioning sound leaves his mouth when he feels something dripping down the cleft of his ass. Yuzuru rubs soothing circles on his back as he carefully pushes the tip of his index in. Javi breathes deeply and relaxes. He knows this, has done this before. He prepares for the stretch of the finger but instead, he moans and arches his back when Yuzuru pushes his tongue in, just the tip but it feels so good.

He looses any notion of time, unable to tell what is happening around him or even where he is. All he can focus on is Yuzuru's fingers carefully spreading him, his mouth kissing and nipping at a cheek. He rocks back on those fingers, greedy in pursue of his pleasure but Yuzuru is having none of it. The fingers are gone and Javi turns his head, torn between scolding Yuzuru and begging him for more. He holds his hips and helps him lie on his back, taking one leg and kissing, biting, licking all the way from his thigh to his ankle, before resting on his shoulder and shifting closer, closer, closer.

It's otherworldly. Beyond the physical pleasure and pain, beyond the rocking of their hips as Yuzuru drives in and out of him in carefully measured thrusts. This union they now share, joined both in body and spirit. He can see it in his eyes, the way they never leave his. It's exhilarating, to have him like this. To touch, to feel the way he moves, to take his hand and guide it to his forgotten cock, to let him do as he pleases because Javi trusts him.

Javi trusts Yuzuru with his body, mind, heart and soul.

He doesn't realize he is crying, tears silently falling down his face as his back arches almost painfully, climax blinding him and he reaches for Yuzuru. He needs to hold onto him, whatever part of him, scared he'll float away in a haze of pleasure and lose him. Then there is a body on top of his, sweaty, hot, heavy and a guttural grunt in his ear as Yuzuru's hips grind against him, riding his orgasm.

Hand in hand, with Yuzuru's head buried in his shoulder, both of them panting. That is what Javi finds when he descends from the peaks of pleasure. He is boneless, satisfied in body and soul, but he still finds the strength to flip them over, get on top of Yuzuru and kiss him senseless.

He falls to the side and maneuvers their bodies until they are lying on their sides, pressed against each other. Javi's fingers playing with Yuzuru's hair and Yuzuru's hand on the small of his back.

There are no words, no grand gestures, no explanations. They just look at each other, a silent conversation only they can understand, and drift off to sleep in each other's arms.

"Tell me again when I can hug you." Yuzuru had said.

And Javi does. Every time they hug.

After the Olympics when he sneaks in his room.

The day they get the keys to their apartment.

That time Yuzuru attempted to cook dinner and failed.

On their wedding day.

And everyday.

For as long as he can, Javi will always tell Yuzuru how much he loves him when he hugs him.


End file.
